Turkey Day is upon us. What a great time to step back and give thanks. I had a great time writing about all the twists and turns that lead me to the happy life I have now and how grateful I am for everything and everyone. I will not share that right now (I’m keeping it tucked away for a rainy/snowy day, or a day I just can’t think of anything to write about). Today I’m going to flip the script and look ahead, ya know, to the future. For a Thanksgiving tribute, I have compiled a list below of things I am grateful for that will be invented but have not yet. Enjoy.
1) Clearly visible markers or flags for Bluetooth ear pieces. Throwing a little neon triangular flag three to four inches high on people’s ear piece has had a two-pronged affect on the use of this much-discussed piece of technology: 1) it allows non-Bluetoothers to see “them” coming and not be totally surprised, startled, or confused when the lone person 7’ away in the grocery store breaks into full conversation about spaghetti sauce when there is clearly no one around to listen; and 2) it limits the amount of people who use Bluetooth to those who REALLY need it. The threat of potentially standing out in a crowd (unwantingly) makes people pause for an extra half second and assess whether holding a cell phone up to their ear is actually an arduous task. (did I just make up the word “unwantingly”?)
2) Color coded license plates for cars made in different eras. Since improvements in the use of technology in and the manufacturing of cars (circa. 2009) took a giant leap, law enforcement officials in all 50 states realized cars made after 2008 need to be guided by a different set of rules. A car’s color ranking is determined by the age of the car and the score received on the latest inspection. Since the color-coding system has been in place, highways are moving more efficiently because cars that can safely travel at 80mph can do so thanks to many cities opening a lane for the “green plate” cars, owners of “yellow plate” cars are given a warning that they are in need of a serious tune-up and the shakes felt when traveling at 75mph are in fact not good, and flat tires are way down now that everyone knows the red plate on the car in front of them may drop an exhaust pipe at any minute. I am also grateful for the large print license plates given to drivers over 67 years old. Officials pulled off a great coup when they told the senior citizen community that the program would allow all drivers to be able to see their own license plate clearly, but in reality, the large plates were just a warning to everyone else. (In case the giant Buick or Lincoln weren’t warning enough. When was the last time someone under 50 bought a brand new Buick? I need to know this.)
3) I am grateful that hoverboards and self-drying jackets are available at most department and clothing stores. Everyone who saw Back to the Future II couldn’t wait for these items to be available for Christmas, and had to sit by and wait while tablets, Skype, and picture-in-picture TV have now become commonplace. After a couple billion dollars in R&D, twisted ankle lawsuit settlements, and battles over patents, ditching the bike for the hoverboard has become the new green commuting tool and water parks can stay open a couple months later (get it, cause you can wear a jacket, jump in the water and come out dry). I am most grateful for being able to yell out the phrase, “You can’t use that, Bozo! Yeah, you need poww-ah! Hahahaha!” and not seem TOTALLY insane. (Check out this link from gawker, I think you have to cut and paste it: http://gawker.com/5667202/11-things-from-back-to-the-future-ii-that-actually-came-true-and-3-that-havent-yet?tag=television)
4) I never thought I’d see the day, but I am so grateful that the music played in grocery stores, airports, and other public places has improved dramatically. I’m not sure who to thank, but if I never hear Don Henley’s “Boys of Summer” again, it will be too soon. I was planning on making this the top item on my agenda when I run for President, so I guess I’m not really grateful for having to come up with something else, but I am grateful that the powers that be found out no one rioted in the streets, keeled over, or boycotted a single store when Jack Johnson, Miles Davis, or Hot Tuna was heard while shopping. I’m glad we crossed this bridge together.
5) I love the new fad created by the company who made those “coexist” bumper stickers a few years ago. Branching out, using the same symbols for more pedestrian words, like “bacon” and “sidewalk” was just genius. I give thanks that the religiosity of the symbols could be used to lighten the mood of people’s bumpers, so everyone could laugh together and, dare I say, coexist, cause really, I think all religions can support the merits of a good sidewalk, well maybe not bacon, though. They might have to revise the word list, but it’s a great idea. I heard a rumor the same company is getting into the sports teams business.
6) Finally, I give thanks every day at 2:30 that this great nation of ours finally embraced the siesta. Seeing businesses close, people shut off their computers, and just have a rest for an hour is such a great reminder of how hectic our lives of hyper-connectivity once were. Embracing the siesta was a reminder that we all needed to slow the eff down.
So there’s my futuristic gratitude for you. Good thing this is posted on the internet, and will be forever, so I can go back into the archives and see how long it took for these things to come to fruition. Don’t forget to click through the Amazon link on the left when doing any online shopping. Thanks in advance for that.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!